“Realists” Aren’t Who We Think They Are (and Optimists are Right!)

Nobody wants to be a pessimist. By nature, pessimists are unhappy, expect their lives to go south at every turn, and through their own self-fulfilling prophecies, they often end up being correct. But even so, they are oftentimes unrealistic in what they expect, and things usually don’t go quite as bad as pessimists think they will.

On the opposite side of the spectrum are our optimists, who always believe things will turn out for the best. Though this idea sounds wonderful, optimists often get a bad rap for being even more unrealistic than pessimists, and biting off more than they can chew.

The perceived flaws in these two ideologies has led to the concept of being a “realist,” who is neither optimistic or pessimistic. They simply try to see things for what they are, and tackle things objectively, and intelligently.

However, after careful examination, there are some very serious flaws with the concept of being a “realist” as well.

What kind of life do you want to live? I’ve never met a single person who’s said ” I strive to be mediocre at __________.” There’s simply no happiness to be had in that. Humans are wired not to seek what’s average, but to seek the best in everything. We (generally speaking, as a population) want the newest smartphone, the biggest house, and the best concert seats we can get our hands on, all the time.

The same concept applies to the more abstract parts of our lives. We want a perfect marriage, not one that kinda-sorta works for a few years. We want to have sincere friends, not ones who talk about us behind our backs. And we want bountiful success in our professional lives, whether it be in music or anything else.

The issue is that in today’s world, these things are not really possible for a “realist” to believe in. Statistically speaking, you’re already cutting it at 50/50 with your marriage. To have anything on top of that is less than likely. And this is exactly how realists back their philosophy — they see things “as they are” and don’t expect anything better.

Despite the claims of “realism,” this perspective of life sounds rather negative to me. To live with the expectation that I probably won’t have a happy marriage and professional success? And don’t even think about having close friends or wealth on top of that! What a dismal thought to wake up to every morning!!!

Fortunately, this “realist” ideology, while correct for many, does not have to apply to you and me.

The true reality is optimists are more successful than than pessimists or realists, for a couple of reasons.

The more optimistic a person is, the more creative and persistent they will be in dealing with challenges. Even after several failed attempts, optimists perceive challenges as temporary, while others perceive them as a dead-end. That’s not saying that optimists will always be successful with everything, but because they are more creative and persistent, their success rate increases, and they are more successful in tackling challenges than the average person. A great example of this would be Thomas Edison using over 10,000 (Holy cow!!!) approaches to inventing the lightbulb until he was finally successful.

Also, optimists are usually more fun to be around, so they make friends more easily, and more people want to be friends with them as well. This gives them a stronger support system, so when they do fail, they have an emotional cushion to fall on, and help them get up and recover from a major disappointment. A realist or pessimist (on average) will not have as strong of a support system, and will have less help in bouncing back from failure.

Now, to fit this all into the big picture, let us not forget that there is a distinct difference between being optimistic and being over-confident. Forbes.com ellaborates:

When someone is over-confident they tend to ignore the barriers all together, having an attitude of “that couldn’t happen to me.” Whereas when someone is optimistic they have an attitude of “It may happen to me, but if it does I will find a way to get through it, and I will make it even better in the end.”*

The people we think of being “unrealistically optimistic” really aren’t optimists at all…they’re just over-confident. For example, saying you can cram all your practicing the night before an audition and win is to be over-confident, not unrealistically optimistic. Over-confidence and optimism are two entirely different entities, and we must not confuse one for the other.

Again, I’d like to recognize that the philosophy of a realist was created with the best intentions, and when we’re talking about averages, their perspectives are in fact correct. However, by choosing optimism, we are able to cheat the standards of mediocrity and pursue our passions, because the greatest pleasures in life are reserved for those who dare to dream.

Was it realistic for a young Michael Jordan to dream of being the world’s greatest player after getting cut from his high school team? No! But he did it anyway!!

Was it realistic for the American colonists to win a war against the greatest military in the world and create the nation we know today?? Not at all! But they did it anyway!!! Not with realism, not with over-confidence, but with optimism. Because whether we are trying to win a war, win a job, or win an audition, optimism is truly the most powerful weapon we can wield.

* For the full article from Forbes.com, please click HERE!